Sealed with a Liverpool Kiss

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Tuesday, November 23, 2004

:: ::

great. I feel even more miserable now. If that's even possible. I took so much effort to blog an hour ago. And blogspot gave me a fucking blank entry. To sum it all up, I am feeling damn fucking bitter.

I refer to the below entry. I was refering to my stepdad. It started out simple enough. A freaking leaking air con. I am currently slping with two fans, and I am still sweating madly, and feel damn sticky when I wake up. All I wanted was my aircon to be fixed. was that too difficult of a request? The whole fucking world is out to get me. My stepdad. My mom and even the damn blogspot.

I am leaving under a rule of "no compromise". Why am I forced to do everything that I don't want to? Why must you yell at me instead of telling me. Money problems is splitting my family apart. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?? Just tell me why all this damn shit is happening to me. Fine, you don't want me to straighten my hair. TELL ME! why are you screaming at me. You don't want me to slp with air con because you can't afford the bills. TELL ME. why are you screaming at me. Why are you trying to bend me to your will? Why am I living under an authoritarian rule?

If you truely didn't have time o fix my air con. Fine. I understand. But, I came home yesterday to find you in my room playing computer games. Doesn't that show me that you were free. Besides, when I came back from camp, I was expecting my air con to be fixed. I happen to know that you came home early on saturday. U definitely had time to fix it. If you really didn't have time, fine. Heck it I can slp with an air-con-less room. Even sleep with 1 fan. But you give me lame excuses.
"Because I said no."
"Yes, I didn't fix your air con on purpose".

Excuse me, but that sounds like u are bullying me. Trying to bend me to your will. Everytime i don't do as you asked, I get threatened to be thrown out. i wonder how much longer can I take this shit and explode. And I know, once I explode, I'll be shown out of the door.

Do I mean that little to my parents? That they have no problem in throwing me out of the house. To hell if I live or die. Why do my mom always side with him. Can she never side with me. Why am I always the one to give in. "Childish", "spoilt", "spendthrift". I get branded these names day in and out. i am sorry that i was tired and had to ask you to pick me up. If i knew it would result in this shit, fine! I'll even walk home and cripple my soles if that is what it takes. i know I am childish. I know that i don't help with the house. i know that I am useless. I can't cook and I can't clean. All I am good at is spending money. I know I can't help it but desire for those miserable goods.

Why can't you ever compromise? I try to peacefully tell you my stand, tell you my side. You were adament. You refuse to listen. "NO NO NO". You refuse to agree. How many times have i came out of my room and tried to make peace, and end up storming back into my room?

My mom ask me, why do I treat the house like a hotel. Always not at home, spending money, and not spending times with the family. Have you ever thought that the reason why I do so was that I wanted to escape from you all? From your rule. Has it ever occured to you that i am staying away from home because of you? Has it ever occured you that the reason I close my door is to prevent you from coming into my room and scold the shit out of me? Have it ever occured to you that you had some how created a barrier between us? That i distant myself from you? That I never want to tell you my problems?

I try and be nice and it doesn't work. I rebel by playing loud music, and get threatened to be thrown out. What the hell do you want me? What can I do for you to hear me? What can I say to see that you love me? Maybe you do love me. I feel it sometimes. But most of the times I don't. I love you guys. But at the mean time, curently, I feel resentment, and I feel hate. i am sorry for being such a burden. Only good at spending your money. I am sorry that i don't understand your situations, but I try. I do. Why can't you try to understand mine? I am sorry for not scoring the AABs that you wanted. I am sorry that to you i wasn't trying hard enough. Every step I take seem like a wrong move. What do you want from me? Why do I have to put up with this shit? Why can't you compromise, instead of trying to force me to do what you want? WHY WHY WHY?

***********
2:18 AM
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The Attention Seeker

WY + Snowy + Poka Neembong Eng + Napoleon
im remaining 19 for life!
Liverpool FC
Singapore
NUS FASS
22nd June
You'll nv walk alone

Totally in love wid`

myself
globe trekking
cocoa dusted almond
white chocolate ice blended
shopping
suppers
Romance novels and chic lit
lychee martinis
zouk
goon

get outta my face if u're..

ugly
act cute
TCMI (totally cannot make it)
after my man

GIMME GIMME GIMME!!

Liverpool jersey
Crumpler bag
Spa treatment
MORE CLOTHES DANG IT!

My bitches and faggies

Goon
Wensu
Winnie
Phyllis
Maril
Gwen
Liane
Beth
Julie
Pauline
Amanda
Joel
Dee
Castor
Javin
Chad
Kwan Shen
Wei Xin
Celest
Lin Feng
Irene
Ruben

Other things to check out

LFC Webbie
Topshop Singapore
Franz Ferdinand
Birkenstock
Beau Monde
Vainpot
XpressFlower
My friends
Love Meridian Day
England Field Trip
Vacation Down South

Credits

my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder,

all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her...

all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter,

she is the tear that hangs inside my soul forever.

-Jeff Buckley