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Hah i just woke up after almost 12 hours of sleep man.. now i feels sooo awake, and last night before i slept i was kinda thinking of a particular someone, and at the same time, reflecting on what happened to one of my friends. sigh~ what he said was, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder', but to me this wise-crack phrase is only true to a small extent. Cause i think that 'out of sight, out of mind' definitely works better than the whole absence thing. i'm having this phase of my life now, where i think that i'm kind of on the verse of forgetting that particular someone. I havent seen him for so long (excluding his prictures, which were sent to me by a friend to keep on his behalf), i just talked to him 2 nights ago, after nearly a one-month break where we didnt talk to each other on the phone. Online, yes i find it hard to grasp the emotions when people talk online. general feelings of happiness and sadness its no problem to me, but well, i just find it confusing. You get my drift.
I'm beginning to think that this 'out of sight' thing works. He knows that i like him, but he doesnt want to acknowledge it. Its a traumatizing experience, cause he told me that he's interested in me and now he's acting like he forgot all he has said in the past. Call me demanding or what, but i guess if you were in my shoes you'll probably want to do the same thing. Now when i look back about a month or two ago, i find that my attitude towards has changed. In the past, i'd use to wake up at odd hours in the dead of the night to check if there were any smses from him. I'd start praying that the messages i receive were from him, then start to curse and swear (didnt really do that. this is only for impact) when they weren't. I'd find almost every opportunity to call him/ get him to talk to me on the phone, as well as on sms. But now, i don't see the need to wake up in the dead of the night. Dont see the need to sleep with my mobile under my pillow, dont see the need to pray that my receive messages were from him, dont see the need to find every opportunity to talk to him or sms him anymore. I guess these are some signs that i'm really about to turn myself around and head back. That is, if he doesn't respond. He really know how to make my heart spin around, make my mood go up and down worse than a roller coaster ( to say yo-yo is just too dramatic).
I doubt i'll get some positive response from him. If i do, then i'll be happy but if i don't then i'll just take it as an experience, a lesson learnt and wasted time, although the old saying goes 'the only time we waste is the time thinking we are alone'. sigh~ maybe i'll just try to bid my time with him. Let you know if it works out in the end. Pray for me yeah...
Signing out,
C Casillas
Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: Daniel Bedingfield- Honest Questions
4:45 PM
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my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder,
all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her...
all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter,
she is the tear that hangs inside my soul forever.
-Jeff Buckley