Wednesday, December 31, 2003
:: ::
island life love it!
Yep. Just back from sentosa. It was soooo darn sunny initially then suddenly god got tired of showering sunlight over the beautiful island of sentosa so he decided to shower rain upon poor unsuspecting people like me. And it wasnt a heavy rain. The gods in heaven decided to punk'd us by sending 3 short-and-abrupt spurts of rain onto the BEACH AREA!!! Only siloso beach kena-ed the rain!!!! *curse and swear* Nevermind still got a teensy weensy bit of a tan. =)
HE'S online but he ain't replying me. Fine. I should've known. Whatever. =(
Sealed With A Liverpool Kiss,
C Casillas
Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Triple Eight- Give Me A Reason
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1:56 PM
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Tuesday, December 30, 2003
:: ::
so are we over now? do we just walk away just like we've never
met?
just back from gym+dinner with my friends. Supposed to go to the hosp to visit my friend but she'd asked us to go tomorrow instead. Am dead tired from the gym plus lack of sleep. Did some endurance training just now with the bloody 5kg weights and there still isnt any difference!! Aarrrgh.
Decided to go to sentosa (island life! love it) tomorrow before visiting friend.
Tho i sad in my previous entry that i wasnt that sad, well now i am. Also said that i wont IM him first but oh gawd i did!!! Not that i couldnt help it but i guess it was only right that i told him to take care before he was enlisted. WEll he did reply me and soon we were chatting away like nothing ever happened before. It was good, but somehow i feel that in a way, he's kinda giving me hope. Of course, i'd rather he talk to me than not at all.
The full force of the whole thing just sort of hit my right smack on my face. Oh darn. How i just envy those girls who were once with him. They just have no idea that some unfortunate people (ME!!) want him sooooooooooooo goddamn much but just can't have him. They just dont know how to count their blessings. Ah shite.
And yest night at about 2am, elaine and i were talking on the phone when she texted him and kelv, asking them to take care and all. And the bloody bugger actually called her on her mobile!!!!! I just DIED on the spot. Felt a wave of sadness wash over me as i reminisced about the times when he'd used to give me morning calls every morning during my exam period so i could get up and study. So sweet of him. But now... sigh~ Yeah and so as i was saying, after elaine was done talking to him on her mobile, i told her that if i were to text him a take care message he wont even reply, much less call back. And so to prove my point, i texted him saying take care. He never did reply me. See? What does that show? Definitely a lack of interest. So for the whole entire time while talking to elaine i was whining to her and pouring all my sorrows but soon i guess she'd heard enough so we hung up and i went to bed, reminiscing about everything. I nearly cried but what the hell, i didnt.
This morning i awoke to see an IM from mai who had gone to the us for the past 25 days, asking me to call her when i was up so i promptly did. Told her part of my sad tale and she simply asked 'if he wasnt interested then why would he want to consider going together?' then she went on saying 'maybe he still likes you but just doesnt want to go together. dont worry'. Ahhh fick. He doesnt seem interested enough anyway. Arrrgh am flummoxed. And tired. And sad. Goodbye, boy. Take care of yourself while in camp yea...
Sealed With A Liverpool Kiss,
C Casillas
Current Mood: drained
Current Music: Michelle Branch- Goodbye to you
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2:11 PM
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Monday, December 29, 2003
:: ::
i dont wanna say goodbye....
Hey am back after a nap n dinner. Mom bought real greasy bbq chicken rice. Oh gosh. Dont she ever thinks about my health?? Hahah am a happy person once again. Now i do believe in the phrase 'Dont cry because its over. Smile because it happened' now i understand. And am smiling beacuse it happened.
Actually deep inside me im still a tad sad, not cause things didn't work out the way i wanted it too. Sad cause i dont like saying goodbye. Even though i see him more as a dear friend than anything else, im still reluctant to say goodbye. The same goes for kelv who's also going in tomorrow. I'll see ya guys soon man. Gonna miss the both of your crazy antics. =)
Sealed With A Liverpool Kiss (for both HIM and kelv),
C Casillas
Current Mood: full
Current Music: Christian wunderlich- Why Goodbye
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12:38 PM
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:: ::
i didnt mean to fall in love with you......
Am crushed. Depressed. Saddened. Devastated. Its not the end; he hasnt given me the answer but i know that the end's drawing near. Its not a line from lotr, for god's sake. Back to what i was saying, i think ive only got almost zilch chance of HIM ever ever ever liking me. A friend asked about things between HIM and i, and i told him to read the earlier entries. He'd read,and the conv went like this:
J: Is he the one tat u really like?
J: Is he the one u think u can out away all things just for him?
me: Its yes to both
me: but i dunno if this is wad he thinks
J: well..
J: Are u sure u can push aside EVERYTHING just for him?
** At this point of time i was very sure that i could, unless something urgent cropped up and i couldnt be with him but im sure that he would understand**
J: Tat case u wait for him lor...
me: Its nt abt e waiting part
me: Its abt why he suddenly went offline when he knew i was waiting for e ans
J: Not tat i'm condeming him or wad...
J: But think
J: Wad u think he means when he just went offline without letting u noe...
J: And den till now he haven msg u or let u noe wad happen..
** By now im totally crushed**
Seriously, i dont know if i should continue to have faith or just let go. Im saddened; it heartwrenching for such things to happen. Half of me wants to let go while the other half wants to continue having faith. To others it may not be called having faith, but rather daydreaming, or just having so called fat hope. I guess faith is a better word, and it keeps me going besides just sitting down and hoping that things will turn out right. HE'S slowly killing me by torturing me; by putting me through turmoil after turmoil, heartbreak after heartbreak, rapidly swinging moods. And the best of all is that HE doesn't have a clue that HE'S putting me through all these. God save my soul, help me to keep the faith..............
Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: BB Mak- Ghost of You and Me
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4:17 AM
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Sunday, December 28, 2003
:: ::
[the game of love]|||[am a pessimist nonetheless]
Okay back from lunch. And last night's sleep. Okay ummm as i was saying, HE came online last night and so i happily pounced upon him, first making small talk before broaching the subject of IT. Ya know, the one whereby he said he'd give me the answer before the 29th. I know there's still approximitately 2 days before the answer's due, but i've thought about it. He's gonna be busy packing his stuff and having 'final goodbyes' with all his friends so i figured that the sooner we settle this, the better it will be. Hence, this was what i said:-
me:so have you given it a thought?
HE: it?
HE: it as in the thing to tell you b4 i go army??
**HE is now Away**
me: yep i think its better if we get it over n done with. not trying to sound like its a chore, but still...
**HIS auto-message: in e shower**
** HE appears to be offline and may not reply**
Oh gawd.. What's that supposed to mean? I'm asking him an all-important question and he just went to bathe even without telling me. He made me wait for more than an hour cause i thought he was supposedly 'bathing' but fuck it man he just went offline. I mean, he might have his reasons for going offline w/o thelling me, ie his sis hijacked the comp. OR he might just be avoiding the whole thing altogether. Fine. Am pissed and shall not want to talk to him for the rest of my life. (as if i wold do such a thing!! but nonetheless im bloody pissed)
Current Mood: pissed off
Current Music: Abs feat Nodesha- Miss Perfect
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6:34 AM
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Saturday, December 27, 2003
:: ::
1:17am: 3-1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just finished watching the match between liverpool and bolton. Full time, and the score was 3-1 to the men in red. HAHA!!! Had a good boxing day. Can't wait for elaine to be back on sunday so we can ntekan each other in the gym, then after that go for our bi-weekly dose of shopping. Heard that everywheres on sale so i just CANNOT wait to hit the town!!! =)
Ok sometime during the match i thought of what i was gonna do if he told me to wait 2++ years for him. Yesterdy night i was talking to a friend and he said,'if you want to wait or not its up to you but keep your options open'.. Well, that i could try but i just cant imagine going for someone else. However if i choose to wait there's definitely a possibility of being rejected (horror of all horrors!) and im not sure if i will be able to handle the impact of the rejection. Sigh~ i've suddenly become a pessimist. No idea why and i'm telling ya this sucks big time. Errrrr... seriously speaking right now im still at a loss as to what to do. He's just come online; should i ask him?? Okay... brb..
Sealed With A Liverpool Kiss,
C Casillas
Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: elvis costello- she
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5:17 PM
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:: ::
boxer's day (i'm in penang)
ok.. i know i didn't write and wish ppl a merry xmas yesterdae... so i do it now... MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS!!!! sorry la. didn't come across any internet cafe tt was open (not to mention my parents' continuing presense around me). yesterdae, i spent most of the day in a car(was driving to penang from genting), but luckily the nites was nt too bad. i went to a pasa malam.. quite interesting lah... i guess it's quality pasa malam compared to those in sg. not to mention the AMCGs!!!! oh my god.. so cute sia. and there were many. saw one v. cute one in a real madrid jsy... Woah~~~
christmas yesterdae was boring(cos i was in a car). there were no special celebrations (which made me curse and swear), plus all i had around me was my cousins.. yah they are fun.. but i oso want my frens!!!!! ok, i was rather irritated cos my aunt was around. sorry man, but she is exasperating, too protective, she receives information wrongly. don't like her thinking... PERIOD. and the worst thing tt really soured my dae was the fact tt she was in e next from (WITH A BLOODY CONNECTING DOOR!!!!!!!!). her son was suppose to slp with me but i guess his parents dun approve him of keeping late nites, like me and my other cousin. so, he was forced to move to the other room (and they close the connecting door =) ). y i sae she is rather irritating (no offence aunt) is cos she keeps coming into our room with nagging and naggy purposes! kaoz!!!! i juz hope tonight i'll be able to pass this test. i guess god wants me to learn tolereance and patience... this is my KARMA!
you'll nv walk alone
elaine + snowy
Current Mood: awake
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2:24 PM
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:: ::
played in the game of love. and lost. fucking insensitive bastard
excuse the language.
Am very very unhappy with the present situation. Sad, crushed, devastated, dismal,sullen too. Not to mention sick, lifeless and confused. But im telling you none of this can ever ever ever describe my mood precisely. Yep i can laugh now, it wasnt as bad as what i experienced this morning when i received the news. It came in the form of a bloody text message. A TEXT MESSAGE!!! How insincere! What happened was, i woke up to find a pleasant message from him. Thinking it was a nice good morning message from the sweet and thoughtful guy, i opened the message. ONLY to find out that yours truly had just been rejected from the precious. It went like 'Lets not do it eh? Thought about it.' Fine, i thought. I'd be better off without him. But hell no i wouldnt be better off without him. It was like a slap in the face, something that i'd never thought i'd receive. Not at least from him.
But now that it happened, im saddened. But i aint gonna cry. Not that he isnt worth my tears(well he might not be), but its just that im not one to cry over such things. Ok fine im a sucker for jiwang stuff but this aint jiwang cause its happening to me. Goddamnit i played with fire and now i got burnt. So much for the past 2 months of torment. It ended even before it started. Fuckit. And the best is the nonchalance of the text message. It was as if i was asking him about something of unimportance. He didnt care enough to explain why; he also couldnt care less when i replied to his heartbreaking text saying 'okay but why?'. That precious didnt want to explain himself. Which makes me have to guess. He's an utterly unfathomable guy, as bry-q explains it. Yep and i so totally agree with him. These past 2 months i've been guessing, guessing and guessing. Fuckit again man. He's online now, and he doesnt bother to IM me. Fine, and i shall not IM him too, cause i dont want him to think that im some weepy-willow.
Then again maybe it was just a freakin blatant lie when he bloody well said that he was interested in me. Good on him, precious, cause he got me time and time again. His antics would bloody well put ashton kutcher to utmost shame i guess. HE plays with the mind and heart, while ashton only plays with thematerial things in life. Ahhh fuckit.
Sealed With A (heartbroken) Liverpool Kiss,
C Casillas
Current Mood: exanimate
Current Music: Craig david- Im walkin' away
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6:06 AM
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Friday, December 26, 2003
:: ::
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Hiya peeps!!! Hope ya had a very merry christmas! Havent wrote in for a looong looong time man and so im back! Was xmas eve last night, and i thought i was really gonna be ditched last night, but fortunately i wasn't.
Elaine's in msia (AGAIN!!), my cousin dicthed me for some guy that lived near her, HE ditched me to go clubbing with his friends. Nah, actually HE didnt ditch me. HE'D asked if i wanted to go or not, but i happily declined. Ok fine i wasnt really happy, but still!! I really didnt want to go cause it was all smoky and stinky and sweaty.. And luckily i didnt go cause i heard that all the cubs and pubs were totally full house man.. Hahaha
Instead i went to watch lotr for the 3rd time running!!!! And considering the fact that i aint a lotr fan, it IS a record! =) Went with my best boyfriend ( hey.. it aint what ure thinkin!!! ok fine, my best guy friend then) to watch it. watched the 11.40 show but before we went to coffee bean to down a cuppa of sunrise. Boy it was DE-LISH!! Again he paid for my drinks. Gosh i felt sooooo bad, and this was added to the fact that he's gotta wake up at 6am to work!! And the movie only ended at 3.30, and he only reached home at 4, which, if including bath time he's got only an hour and a half to sleep!! Awwww drats. But anyway legolas was sooooooo cute! i mean, legolas, not orlando bloom in person, cause ob, in person, looks bloody well like timberlake!!! Eeeewww... =)
Heheh and back to what i was about to say, i tried to make HIM jealous by telling him that i was out till late with a guy, and that darn ass of a guy TOLD ME THAT HE ISNT JEALOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh gawd i swear i could've killed him!!! Thought he'd be a tad jealous but hell no he wasnt!! Arrrghhh!! Anyway gotta ciao, wanna watch party in the park.. cye peeps
Sealed With A Liverpool Kiss,
C Casillas
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Dido- Christmas day
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5:43 AM
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Thursday, December 25, 2003
:: ::
i'm in GENTING!
hahaha so here i am... back from a period of silence... sorry lah. ain't my fault that my com got virus. i'm proud to sae tt i'm NOT in singapore... that's gd rite? i mean compared to those poor blokes who can't get out of our tiny island.. so here i am, in a cyber cafe (cos its like soooooooooooooooooo boring) typing away on a com i am so not used to! all the shops is boring.. u knpw the cheapo kind (excluding coffe bean, nike, renoma etc). ok, lemme phrase it this way.. 80% of the place sells cheapo stuff.. but yah.. the rides looks cool(but i'm not wasting my $ riding it!) am glad to sae i ALMOST forget him liao
hope tt it's true cos if not, i'm dead..... i dun wanna pin for a guy who will obviously not pin for me. i'm glad to announce tt my feelings is less than a tendre. i guess the sentence outta sight outta mind do works.... esp when i have a reason to forget him.. ok.. gtg go now... lotsa things to do online... will update asap!
you'll nv walk alone
elaine + snowy
Current Mood: cheerful
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9:36 AM
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Wednesday, December 24, 2003
:: ::
last christmas i gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away
It's sooooo gonna be a blue christmas. Tomorrow evening going to cousin's place for xmas celebration. Thought after that could go for a midnight movie marathon but well it wasn't to be. Elaine ditched me to go on a holiday, my cousin who was supposed to go with me will be ditching me for some guy who lives near her, and HE... Sigh~ Double sigh~ Triple sigh~ Quadruple sigh~ HE'LL be accompanying me...NOT!!!! HE'S going clubbing with his friends i guess. Dropped hints to HIM on the phone the other day but don't know if HE got it or not. Maybe he did but pretended (yet again??). Sigh~ Dont know what to do. I'm sooo not going to catch a movie alone. Dont feel like going for christmas mass either. If i cant find a decent companion tomorrow then i'll probably go home and read happy christmas stories of people who (supposedly) found everlasting love, while i drown in a pool of unrequitted love mayself. ARRRGHHHHH its driving me nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Am depressed already. Shall go to bed as soon as my dinner is digested. Do not want to risk getting any fatter. Off to wallow in self- pity now..
Sealed With A Liverpool Kiss,
C Casillas
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Savage Garden- Last Christmas
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1:56 PM
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:: ::
am confused.
Hey peeps~ am waiting for my lunch to be ready. Elaine's gone away for christmas and will only be back on either the 28th or 29th. 29th.. D-day. He's going in.. Sigh~
Talked to HIM over the phone the night before, and well, it was kinda like old times, where we talked, laughed and told each other silly jokes. It was as if nothing had changed. After the chat, i was kinda happy, cause i thought that things were going to be positive. Then HIS friend had to tell me that HE doesn't want to have a girlf till HE'S out of the army. When i heard this, i crashed. Sigh...
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Beach boys- kokomo
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5:34 AM
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Monday, December 22, 2003
:: ::
=(
Woke up after a loooong sleep (9 hours only); didnt even touch the bloody comp yesterday cause my bitch of a sister was hogging it the entire day. Went out with elaine, her sis and nick to watch lotr 3 again. Hahaha sorry but i dint reallky catch the small details of the plot the 1st time i watched it. Turns out they didnt go to sentosa, they're going tomorrow and asked me to go. What the hell. I aint about to go boy. Dont feel like seeing him anyway, not cause i dont want to see him, but rather i dont want to go then make him feel as if im there to pressurise him (somehow). Anyway i've got plans with a friend.
Am getting some advice from nick. He say's HE'D probably break the news to me on christmas eve, and it'll probably be positive. But the catch is, its only from nick's point of view. Arrrgh what the hell.. Christmas is coming.. WOOHOO!! but darn it also means that he'll be leaving in another 8 days' time. Shit.. Anyway i gotta go..
Sealed With A Liverpool Kiss,
C Casillas
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Savage Garden- Last Christmas
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5:38 AM
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Saturday, December 20, 2003
:: ::
am irritated
Am irritated. Went to watch lotr 3 yesterday with my bro, his girlf and my mom. Arrrgh they plotted to force me into watching it. Didnt really catch the last 2 epis but heck, went to watch it anyway. Was kinda non-boring unlike the fellowship of the rings. Am planning to go and watch it tomorrow with friends and HIM. tried to book the bloody tix and it sucjked cause they only allowed credit cards. The service rendered was deplorable man. Its like gives people the impression that only those with credit cards are favoured. Ahh irritating. If i cant get the tix then i shall not ever ever ever watch it again cause im like cooped up at home and its friggin boring.
And hah.. they say the population of sg is about 4 million but it seems like its 400 million. Everywhere i go there are people and they push and all... Xmas shopping was kinda fun in the past but now it soooo totally sucks cause the people nowadays are like soooooo shrewd. Esp in trains; they wouldnt even move to the rear, not for a million bucks, causing the poor peeps to get squashed against the door. Awwwww sucks man.
Therefor, am irritated with the services in sg.
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Kelly Osborne- Shut up
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8:31 AM
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Thursday, December 18, 2003
:: ::
Morning peeps~ just woke up after 8 hours of sleep. Dont know why but i couldnt sleep and its wasn't cause of HIM. =) Gotta go now; talk later...
Sealed With A Liverpool Kiss
C Casillas
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Darius Danesh- Colourblind
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4:19 AM
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Wednesday, December 17, 2003
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8:37pm: Something good happened!!
On sunday night, something good happened. I mean, the end result was good, but the process was really unnerving for me. I got so nervous i thought i was gonna suffer from a mental breakdown. Ok, here's what happened.
As in my previous entry, i was sooo stoned on sunday morning; i was also kinda sad that day. Had a chat with my cousin and told her all about HIM. She urged me to go find out the answer from him, as to whether he was interested or not. So i told elaine about it, and she very kindly texed him, asking him to tell her if he was still interested in me or not. He never did reply her. Instead, he saw me online and talked to me from there. I was hyperventilating when I saw that he'd IM me on msn that i nearly cried of nervousness. At that point of time i was talking to elaine and i nearly made her nervous too.. What an effect. Oh, anyway, this was some of the text exerpted from out IM:-
HIM: hmm.. you wanna talk about something?
me: eh?
HIM: about us?
me: yeaa what about?
HIM: that how we should proceed or something like that?
me: Oh yea.. tell me about it
HIM: hmm..
HIM: if, we're together eh? how is it gonna be like when i get into the army?
me: I'll wait
HIM: 2 years?
me: sure
HIM: But i mean how if ya get into a jc or poly or wherever and there comes this really nice guy and all? hmm me kinda paranoid sometimes.. sigh
me: is there a nicer guy than you?
HIM: of course, but well maybe i'm just scared
me: What's there to be scared about? i aint those unfaithful kind
HIM: I know you're not...
HIM: you're a nice girl
HIM: =)
HIM: give it 2 years and we shall see what happens?
HIM: if we're meant to be then we will
HIM: i don't want you to be stuck to one guy and give those others a miss
HIM: my sis did the same thing and missed 7 years of her life
me: ya know i wont give anybody a miss cause with you areound i'm just stuck to you
HIM: Why not we give ourselves 2 years and see if the feeling's still there?
me: i don't believe in absence makes the heart grow fonder. realistically its more like out of sight out of mind.
HIM: i know but isnt me going to the army considered out of sight?
me:i know.. if we get together now at least i can still take comfort in knowing that i still have you but if i wait 2 years then its gonna be out of sigh out of mind cause i have nothing to hang onto.
HIM: =(
HIM: can i think about this?
********************************** THE END **************************************************
These are the more important parts, and from his last 2 lines i cant help but have this feeling that he doesnt want us to be together. He said later that he's got some issues and he doesn't wanna tell me about it yet. So i don't know. I gave him time to think things through and he'd have to give me the answer in 2 weeks' time.That's the time where i wont be seeing him for long, cause he's going to the army. I'm soooooooo gonna miss him then.I mean, it was a good thing that the answer he gave me was more positive than it could be negative. And i'm happy with it.
And yeah, back to what i did today.. hehe i made a wicked batch of chocolate chip and double chocolate chip cookies, all in the shape of bears.. They're all sticky inside and chewy on the outside.. heheh i'm soooo not gonna eat them cause i dont like to eat what i baking. Same goes for cooking. Actually i wasn't intending to be THAT happy today, but my friend (or should i say his girlfriend) did a kind deed. Hehehe she sent me an mms of HIM. Hahaha initially when i received the mms i was still in a really sleepy state and when i saw whose pic it was i practically jumped of bed. And from that moment on, i'm a very happy person, considering the fact that i have his pic on my mobile and that my mobile smells of polo blue parfum (its the scent of my ideal man) and also the fact that my bro and his darling girlfriend bought me loads of stuff back from Bangkok AND the fact that i bought yet another Bon Jovi cd yesterday to inch closer to completing the collection of BJ cds [i've only got a couple more to collect before im done!] =) =) =) =)
Sealed With A Liverpool Kiss,
C Casillas
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Bon Jovi- Bad Medicine
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12:37 PM
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:: ::
I'm crushed. Not that he said that we wouldn't be together or anything, but we were supposed to go watchg lotr 3 tomorrow and all was well till HE told me that HE'S going to sentosa with 2 of his friends. I mean, hello!! 3 guys? What the heck are they gonna do at sentosa? Anyway, back to what i was about to say..
In all my evil plans, i thought that HE'd not go to sentosa if i'd told him that i'd already book the tix but what the hell- HE said that he'd rather go sentosa and pay for the extra tix. Was disappointed, but didnt really think much about it until elaine told me that HE values his friends more than me. Ok fine. And oh, the other day, hmmm think it was 2 nights ago, HIS best friend told me that HE'S about to get a girlf soon. I asked who and he didn't want to tell. Anyway, i don't think that he was hinting at me. Sigh. To think i thought all was gonna be well till HE had to crush me like he would an empty soft drink can. Don't feel like talking or doing anything now. Shall want to feel stoned. Countdown: 10 days to his army enlistment.
Sealed With A Liverpool Kiss
C Casillas
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: Bosson- Where Are You
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12:25 PM
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:: ::
I wonder where you are, wonder what you're thinking of tonight
Just came back from church, was stairng into space half the time i was there. I was and am still disappointed. Feel so blah these few days. Dunno whats gotten into me buti think it's cause of HIM. The cuase of my worries, stress, heartache, misery, sorrow and what nots. The one who could make me laugh or cry with everything he does.
Im feeling so cold and so blue, and i havent even gone christmas shopping! Well i just need to get 3 more presents. Oh which reminds me of HIS birthday present. I havent gotten around to giving it to him and i doubt i ever will. I just cant face HIM any longer.
Didnt cry last night, prayed to the lord to allow me to cry if he thought that it wasnt gonna work out, but in the end i didnt even shed a single tear. Well i guess he deifinitely thinksthat somethings gonna work out. I dunno~ Guess i'll go to sleep now and hope that i'll forget about being sad when i wake up.
Sealed With A Liverpool Kiss,
C Casillas
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Gareth Gates- too serious too soon
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12:25 PM
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:: ::
my soul is bruised and broken
Just back from watching my weekly dose of soccer. Liverpool lost 1-2 to Southampton. It sucked big time and passing was all wrong. Sigh~ that aside, i aint a happy person today either. The entire evening sucked.
Went out with the same peeps as yesterday, supposedly-punked was there too. Had marche and HE was sitting opposite me. Just as yesterday, spoke less than 10 sentences to HIM today. HE didnt even bother to ask if i was alright or not, cause i was kinda quite the entire evening. HE didnt even bother looking at me, HE just went on talking and laughing with his friends, while elaine and i were trailing behind. Half the time i was sighing to her.
Im kinda sad today. Suddenly felt like crying when i was with them. Well basically i wanted to cry for myself, cause it seems that no matter how hard i try he doesn't give a damn. Not that he ignores me, but its just that a)he's not going to acknowledge the fact that he said he liked me b)he's making me play games with him, intentionally or not c) he doesn't want to say a thing about it cause he wants it to be just the way it is, which i DON'T LIKE d) he's gonna make me wait for him.
Of these 4 options, all are possible and i seriously dont want to play any more guessing games with him anymore. I'm sick and tired of guessing for the past month or so. Its all so tiring and i just feel so terrible inside cause i cant read him and i just dont know what move is he going to make next. Maybe he doesn't want to tell me cause he doesn't want to disappoint me but what he doesn't know is that the more he doesn't say a thing, the more tormented i feel. Its just very exhausting for me. I almost let him go once, and god knows why, he suddenly kinda bounced back into my life. For crap's sake!! I seriously dont need such a bad dose of HIS medicine. Many might think that i'm too pushy, too demanding and give up too easily (after a month of guessing games). I know i might be so, but this is cause he's goingfor army in 2 weeks' time and i wont be able to see him for god knows how long!!!!! I go out into town and see couples everywhere. I get all sick with envy and of all a sudden i feel so lonely and empty within me and nobody knows what's going on.
My heart and soul are bruised and broken. How i wish that i could just suddenly disappear and not come back again. He probably wouldnt even know that im gone. I didnt really want to go with them just now and i really shouldnt have gone. Didnt want to go cause i didnt want to see this guy whos so darn capable of making my mood go up and down like a yo-yo; didnt want to go cause i didnt want to be reminded of him- his every move, his every word will now be etched in my head for eternity. Shouldnt have gone cause i think it was a complete waste of my time though we managed to have a bit of a laugh when one of our wise-ass of a friend cracked up some lame joke; shouldnt have gone cause now i'm 100% sure that i still have the hots for HIM and whatever he said and did would just go on and on in my head. Just saw one of my friend's nickname on my msn, it went like this 'it hurts when someone you love doesnt know that you love him but it hurts even more when you know that you won't have someone to love you for today, tomorrow and forever'. Gosh~ now i really feel like weeping my ass off. Seriously. I aint an emotional creature by nature, but now that im in such a sorrowful mood, i cant help but feel sorry for myself and those in the same boat as me (though i think that i'm the only one on the boat). I mean, im definitely hurting now, cause i know that i won't have someone to love me for today, tomorrow and forever. I mean, i dont LOVE him but i definitely like him. Alot. And the thought of not being loved/liked by the special someone is sooooooooooooooooooooooo sad that i think the tears are gonna spill now. It may sound silly one day when i look back but now, it definitely aint silly cause its what im feeling now.
Im not heartbroken. Yet. Soon i'll be and i've got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that the 'soon' will be really really near. I dont wanna be heartbroken but then again i guess its a phase that everone has to go through and that nobody wants to be heartbroken. This is the worse blow i've suffered in all the sixteen years in my life. Never have i liked a person so much that i'd have to wake up at odd hours in the morning to check for his messages, be online almost 24/7 just to have a chat with him. Yea i know that i said in the past entry that i dont feel the need to wake up at odd hours in the morning to check for his messages but now i still do.
Its been a long, long, long time since i slept with my mobile under my pillow. This time, im sure that this whole thing isnt as simple as in infatuation. Its definitely much much more than that, though it isnt love. I think im about to let those warm fat tears spill out soon. With that, i leave my bruised and broken soul here. *ps: he's just come online. Thank god for small wonders*
Sealed With A Liverpool Kiss,
C Casillas
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Bon Jovi- Always
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12:23 PM
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Finally i get to write in my blog again!!
Hey... I soooo miss writing in my blog man.. The server's down for almost a thousand years, and the closest i could get to writing this blog is to type and then save it in microsoft word so i could copy and paste it when the server's up!! =) Okay, so over the next few entreis you might find that they're written over a mere few minutes and ya know the reason why.. =D
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12:10 PM
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hey hey peeps.
back again after a really crappy network prob... it actually wanted to delete the blog(how dare you!).. nth much is happening... i'm really broke.. which means i have to downsize some pressies like my parents which would actally cost me 200bucks. sorry mom,dad... but i'm broke... i promise to get that with or w/o an event as soon as i get the cash.. at the mean time, still brainstorming for gifts.. and gor christ sake pas.. dn ask me wad i want... SURPRISE ME! yup... that's my usual line.. juz surprise me... i promise not to puke if i 'dun' like e pressies..
oh man.. gna get my sch posting tmr.. kinda really really nervous. dun wanna have a breakdown.. i'm gna keep my fings crossed!
you'll nv walk alone
elaine
Current Mood: sleepy
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7:02 AM
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Sunday, December 14, 2003
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sighz~
juz woke up and i feel like slping! but not gna.. cause i dun wanna ruin my body clock. ate one really really spicy branch (think i'll start to lisssppp) but i wasted 50% of my food. i only ate the fish cake.. the rest i take one bite and throw away. i didn't even wanna touch it.. but i thought of the effort my parents took to order it.. so i juz took one bite.. better den nth... didn't wanna waste the food.. but i didn't have an apetite.. feeling really crappy now... cos i wanna slp but can't.. and i'm dead bored...
at least i'm going out later. phew~ with those kookoos i met yesterdae.. den go punk someone. hope he dun punk us by cancelling anything! if not, i'll go to his house and punch the shit out of him..
anyway, hope todae's meeting is gna be fun.. they all can crack me up like loonies with their crappy tok.. i guess i need a bad those of laughter in my life to brighten up my daes..(understatement)
hahahahahahah,
elaine + snowy
Current Mood: crappy
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5:11 AM
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Saturday, December 13, 2003
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she's such a BITCH!
hey~ my sis is such a B-I-T-C-H that you'd never guess that she's my sis man. Came home to find her in MY room using MY comp wearing MY clothes!!!!!!!!!! arrrgh i'm so totally speechless. Anyway, shall not talk about her.
Do not want to spoil my mood..Though i sound like i'm in a good mood, i aint. Not that i'm in a bad mood or something, its kinda indescribable. Maybe mellow should fit my mood. haha no idea boy.
Went to town to do some punking with elaine, HIM and some mutual friends, but then the person who we were about to punk cancelled at the last minute. Supposedly-punk'd told HIM and his friends, but elaine and i didnt know that he'd cancelled so in the end we went to meet HIM and friends in bugis. They went gaming for awhile; didnt join in cause i didnt like it. Afterwards we went to starbucks and chit chatted for awhile. HE was sitting beside me. Gawd i swear i really could've died man. On cloud 9 for awhile. At least its better than nothing. And i cant believe wy made him sniff my wrist!!! cause i'd sprayed polo blue on it (my fave guys' perfume).. =) I didnt even speak more than 10 sentences to him. Couldnt make any eye contact man.. I tried but boy it was hard tho...
Seriously i dont even know wads he thinking now. I was kind of quiet just now and he noticed it. Didnt know why, but i didnt really feel like talking.. or eating, for that matter. Went to newton for supper but didnt eat much; thought that he'd come along but he didnt. Much to my disappointment.
Anyway tomorrow we're going punking but i highly doubt that i want to go. I've got soccer at 11(pm) and its soooo crowded in town on a weekend!!
Sigh~ feel so sleepy now but i cant sleep! maybe cause HE'S online but well...... Dunno how i really feel deep down, but guess i still got the hots for him... gosh~ i dont even have the faintest idea. Yea~ think i'll sign off here for today.
Sealed With A Liverpool Kiss,
c casillas
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: Selena- Dreaming of you
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5:43 PM
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had fun
yoz yoz peeps,
haha.. had a great time. sort of lah.. okok.. not great great but yah well.. quite fun.. met a couple of my frens... was suppose to do smth but it was postponed, and i didn't know.. so i kookoo-ly went to orchard to meet them.. then they sae it's not todae. anyway, told them to come to town and they did.. nice peeps.. thanx bryan, kel, nick and tim....(if u eva see this tho).. haha.. at least u all make me laugh like a loon... and eh.. make me angry.. watch for ur nose.. haha. jkjk... but yah.. u all full of cock til i laugh til i got 6pacs.. hahah... yup.. den went to newton for lunch.. oh man... JASON UR OMELETTER TASTE SO GOOD.. i will get that next time! hahaha yummmmm....
hey bry, kel, nick, tim(if u sees this) i aint tt touchy bout my crush lah.. so u dun have to feel bad or anything.. i mean.. had a great laugh bout the dog part.. haha... yah..
rock on,
elaine + snowy(so called female bear)
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5:09 PM
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this aint got a subject...
hey ya peeps,
Just had my lunch after waking up at 2.30.. Hehehe im such a piggy arse but i cant be blames cause i woke up at 10 only to realise that a migraine just invaded my poor head so i just went back to sleep, only to realise that HE called my mobile but i was sleeping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh gawd~ i swear i died when i saw his name on my mobile's missed call list man. I mean, it was more important that anything else. And i could've just kick myself in the arse, cause all along my mobile wasnt on silent mode till i woke up at 10 and decided to switch it to silent mode, without vibration.
So now im so so so so NOT gonna switch my mobile to silent mode whenever i go to sleep. This is a lesson learnt man.
Current Mood: silly
Current Music: Daniel Bedingfield- I cant read you
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7:19 AM
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keeping in touch
hey peepsies..
to all my sec sch pals/classmaties(if they ever come across this webbie): hope we can keep in touch man.. at the end of my pri6 yrs, i tot to myself, pri sch is the best yrs of my entire lives.. when i 1st went into tpss, my 1st thought was : gawd, wat have i gotten myself into? everyone is so diff... speaking in their mother tongue and stuffs like tt.. and there were malays around. at sec 1, i was sooo not used to the malays (was from a chi pri sch). i even speak mandrin to some of them.. wad a silly goose i was. even at sec 1.. i was cursing myself for having such rotten luck to come into such god forsaken sch where the paints were peeling and the place so gloomy.. even at sec 2 i was still hissing and cursing.. toking bad bout the sch... but as time flies by, i reach sec3, then to sec 4. this was whr i started to love sch (excluding the textbooks). i loved my frens, new bonds i created, like with phyllis. and rebond with peeps like mae and shiyun and jason. life was great, lotsa laughter and tears. sec sch brought lotsa memories in my live. and i can sae now that, sec sch IS the best yrs of my life.. okay, put it this way, one of my best yrs in my life. i know i will miss my samdols of a classmates. i hope there will be reunions *hints*.. juz as long as u dun ask me to do the planning.. i'm not a good organiser.......!! and hell not only my classmates.. those peeps that crossed my paths in sch, outside of sch... including the teachers....
now to my pals: WHO WANT TO WATCH LORD OF THE RINGS?! hurry up tell me. i wanna book it.. haha... so tt it will not get sold out! it's impt!
yah.. and as for todae, i'm so gna do some nice stuff... clue: punk... hope so.. hahaha... yah well.. i'm evil.. cannot ah? :P so yah well, i'll write more tonight! prepare to die from my BULLs...
you'll nv walk alone
Elaine + snowy
Current Music: The Weather Girls- its raining men
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7:16 AM
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movies and food
hey peeps, i'm back again
think you'll be glad tt i'm almost my usual self(unless i think bout him, which will make me sigh so loudly tt ppl will think it's e thunder). then again? y should u be glad? i ain't all tt impt.. yes i know tt.. now shush..
went to watch a movie juz now, love actually.. it is quite normal lah ah, and eh, it was quite funny. think u peeps should go catch it, but for a second time, i dun think so. i mean... hugh grant is so chraming and freaking funny.. den Rowland aka Mr Bean is oso another kookoo.. yup.. i encourage u to watch the show, unless, u are only allowed to watch one last movie for e yr.. den... i'd sae.. dun go.. wait for LOTR retuens of the kings... i bet tt is sooo gna be awesome.. and cheryl u really really should watch.. dun blame elijah for his big eyes.. wadeva it is, the show is good.. the effects are marvelous..
hmmm... y am i becoming a movie review? i dunnno, i dun care... hahah.. but yah.. kinda had fun making myself fat.. like eat pasta mania, nachos, bought some chocolate... and tempted to get a HD ice cream.. the big tub one.. but, unfortunately or furtunately to some ppl, i ran out of cash.. soi did not get it.. hai! kinda crave for ice cream.. to console mysef...lame but yummy...
anyway, had a trying dae (sort of) so i'm gna turn in, but 1st, ppl who knows me need not read this part, i'm gna read... haha.. call it a habit.. so i guess i'll write more tmr... need some punking plan man... hai~ btw, ain't going to sentosa... low response lah..
you'll nv walk alone
elaine + snowy
Current Mood: mellow
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4:09 AM
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Friday, December 12, 2003
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malaysia roadtrip 2
ok pple, i've decided to move on. yup, hard, but still i will.. there is no point, no point at all. according to my sources, he is very stubborn and won't change his mind. therefore, it means that i won't have a chance. so, i guess, i'll spent my efforts on more deserving peeps....so, here goes, my 1st step of moving on
i'm going to m'sia again! hahahahaha... for approx a week. hope cheryl can go la.. cross my fings. going to penang and cameron. most likely i'll get all my pals' pressie there.... except my parents.. present muz buy in SG. hahaha.. ain't got much to say ah.. but well, juz pray i'll forget him quickly.. dun wanna hurt.. yup, see ya folks
you'll nv walk alone
Elaine + snowy
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2:43 PM
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Lately, been thinking bout you baby..NOT!!!
Pheeew~ just came home from shopping. Bought indo mee so i can gorge myself to death with it later on. Sheesh~ They're going to sentosa tomorrow and they're asking me to go, but i ain't planning to go, cause firstly i don't really want to go (sorry guys, but it'll probably rain) and secondly i don't really want to see him. Have no idea why. Shall not think of him anymore.. Shall go and binge on indo mee now.. hahaha... cya..
Sealed With A Liverpool Kiss,
c casillas
Current Mood: cold
Current Music: Avril lavigne- I'm with you
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2:12 PM
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Deluded
juz received news.. ain't good news. I guess i'm a stupid, naive little girl. that's y i belief it's called infatuation. My frens been hiding the fact from me, but i guess i was blind for not being able to know wad's going on. and yes, juz like every romance flick, i guess i'm the last to know. my frens have been protecting me from the brutal truth. the harsh painful slap of reality. half of me is hopeful, the other dead. i dun know how i feel but i guess many will use the word numb. disappointment is an understatement. at least now i know the reasons why i can't get to see him often.
he had been avoiding me... my frens have been making excuses for his absence, like he is ill, unable to come. he was actually un-interested in coming... either tt, he could not be bothered. well, who could blame him. i guess i'll stop hounding him. What a joke. to think that i used to tot there were high chances. i guess i was foolish. i guess i should have known. I should not have expected anything.
now i understand why my frens are so focused in keeping me preoccupied, in making me happy. half of me knows that i have to move on, the other half... well is the foolish half, is still hoping. i guess hope usually lights up our darkest dae.
They sae that the chance is minute, and i should juz forget him. but the dreamer in me refuses to budge. keep telling me not to give up. the other part is trying to move on. i guess if u look at m face, hurt, pain, confusion culd all be seen. as much as i am happy virgo passed my way, i'm hurting now.
Dear frens: gimme time. i'll try to move on. thanx for everything..
I'll never walk alone
Elaine
Current Mood: indescribable
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4:23 AM
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Thursday, December 11, 2003
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You played with my heart, you played with my mind but i miss you finally
Arrgh this is soooo gonna kill me. I mean, thinking of HIM is soooo gonna kill me. I know that this is my fifth entry within wad, 2 days? I do not care cause i've got absolutely NOTHING for me to do to keep my mind off him!
This trademark song sooooo accurately describes my mood right now. He played with my heart, he played with my mind, but i miss him finally. He DID play with my heart; he said he was interested in me but up till now he's been on hot and cold, more cold than hot, in my opinion. He also played with my mind. He made me think of him. I so so so so so hate him man (yeah right!) Sigh~ im sooo gonna blow uppa or go crazy if i continue this. Seriously.. I'm so not used to feeling like this, and i dont think i ever will be used to this.
When i'm left alone at night, i used to wish that he'd drop me a message or something, but nah... He wouldn't. And such lovey dovey songs just adds to my already grim mood. As i wrote before in my previous entry, i'm not depressed. It's just that my mind is just concentrated on just this person. I believe if he were to read all my entries he'd probably get so goddamn disgusted puke his guts out and not want to see me or get reminded of me ever ever ever ever ever ever again, but yeah... He's gonna have to do it (puke his guts out), cause i'm not gonna stop expressing how i feel. I have to make my feelings known, tho i know i'm kind of writing to the peeps in the virtual world.
Sigh~ I'm such a sucker for lovey dovey songs, tho i know that they can either bring you bliss or torment when you're in the wrong mood. Like me now. Am feeling sad but still am listening to such songs cause i guess these are the songs that bring out the feelings that i'm experiencing now. Sigh~ double sigh~ shall try to get something that occupies my mind..
c casillas
Current Mood: numb
Current Music: Trademark- Miss you finally
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4:24 PM
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hahahaha.. man utd again ah... sianzzz
forever man utd. ruud van nistelrooy. ryan giggs. am bored with such discussions. hate it when people compare liverpool to man utd. try to piss me off by saying that owen sucks, baros sucks, etc etc etc.. cant they find something else to say? have 2 friends who are man utd fans; love to irritate me with 'their favourite club'.. sigh~ come on la.. get a life and find something else to do man. shall not bother with people who thinks man utd is good (my FOOT!!) am a liverpool fan and will be a liverpool fan. shall carry on the liverpool tradition of hating man utd and everton. KISS MY ASS!!!
sealed with a Liverpool kiss (SWALK),
c casillas
Current Mood: irritated
Current Music: Liverpool Anthem- You'll Never Walk Alone
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3:46 PM
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why manchester united?
yoz yoz peeps
Juz wanna ask u peeps stuff. y do e majority of the ppl who watches epl likes man u? EEWWwwww.. okok.. call me bias or wad, i dun give 2 hoots.. cos i'm a liverpool fan. yes, liverpool reigns my life.
In my opinion, i think tt most ppl support man u is becos of 1. follow the crowd, 2. it's e most advertised clubs around, juz count e no. of man u shops in SG. 3. they think beckham is cute ( oi, change club la, beckham left!) yup yup...
dun like their particular style of playing... eeeewwww... they resembles hooligans on e field. sorry if i offended any man u supporters reading it but ya.. tt's how i truely feel... man u... (roll eyes)..
Give it a thought, thr are better teams out thr.. dun necessary have to be liverpool. it can be newcastle, tottenham, chelsea, etc.....
you'll nv walk alone
elaine + snowy
Current Mood: aggravated
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3:18 PM
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infatuation
yoz yoz peeps
i'm back! *honey i'm home...* hey, i did warn u..
hmmmm... love is def too strong of a word.. i'd called it infatuation (in both our cases). yes yes, from here u can see tt we are v. normal average teens/loonies. Stuck with guy probs. yup yup.. hey cher, if u are bent on moving on, it'll be difficult. It always starts out painfully. but as time goes by, u'll not yearn for Virgo anymore. that's how peeps move on. they start with longing....... til it diminishes to practically nth. give it time, take it easy. you will feel loads better after everything, and really feel good tt he crossed ur path, dog eared a page in ur life.
yah well, well said bout the ppl who iced their hearts *i'm one of them. Not afraid to admit tt. i'm a cancerian for a reason.. hate to be vulnerable.. few ppl have seen my vulnerable side and i'd like to keep it tt way. Sometimes i'm really really happy, gets all loony and all. but at other times i get down u'll see a quiet me or a fake loony me. confused?
everyone has different ways of reacting to infatuation. Cher is wad i consider daring enuf, at least she told him b4, tho he refuses to acknowledge it. i'd nv tell my crush tt i like him...
hey cheryl, i agree with u.. at least u tried and u did half of it. the other half is up to him. wad will be your will be yours. that is like so true..
anyway, ya..wadeva u choose, to move on or not, dun worry, i'll be thr 4 ya. i promise...
you'll NEVER EVER walk alone...
elaine + snowy
Current Mood: blah
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1:15 PM
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moving on is hard to do
Sigh~ Its after dinner time, had a quick dinner before coming on over to write something.. Not that im over excited about this new blog, but these few days i've been thinking quite alot. about HIM. Not again, you might say, but yeah, its him. Its always him. Just to set the record straight, but i'm sooo not in love with him. Its just too strong a word. Like, definately but love, nah it just doesnt go well with me. At least not now. Sometimes i think i'm stupid. As in i take the initiative most of the time, its like i dont want him to oblige me most times, but ive got this feeling that he is, infact obliging me in everything that i do.
See, for example, if i dont take the initiative to sms him or say i want to call him, he wont even bother about making the first move. I've tried not smsing him for a couple of days, and it really proves that i'm spot on. But in the end i kinda just cave in and make the first move. Then the cycle continues. Its a kind of torment, and i think you would have to be in my shoes to really understand what's going on. Now i know that i only have less than 5% chance of ever ever ever being successful with him, i don't try not to care and i'm already losing hope. But deep down inside, i know that i dont ever want to stop caring and hoping.
His best friend, also one of my friends, once said "what will be will be, but you must also try". When i first heard this from him, i kind of agreed but now i can only agree with the first half of the sentence cause i tried. I used to tell my friends that if all else fails, it is of some consolation knowing that they've tried but now i truly realise that it isn't an easy job. And what's most ironic about this is that i don't feel consoled even though i've tried. I did all that was within my reach, i grasped what i could but in the end i think this is soooo gonna fail. Not that i'm a pessimist, but it's all too clear to me. After what i just said, it probably sounded like he was the one who hurt me, but the fact was that i hurt myself indirectly cause i made myself so vulnerable to such emotional attacks. It was just plain wishful thinking on my part.
I cant seem to get my mind off him; guess you could say that im addicted to him. I dont know if i should follow the footsteps of some people; to lock up my heart so that a repetition of this whole scene wouldnt happen again, or should i just continue to look for someone else? I think i can really understand why some people choose to harden their heart just to avoid all relationship problems. Sigh~ im not depressed, no matter how depressed i sound. I just want to write down how i feel.
And elaine dear, thanks for responding to my last entry, as much as others will think that you are a loon, i will never do so (im sooooo lying). Okay and back to your response, as much as i try to be grateful that virgo passed my way, i still think of virgo & yearn so much to go back to it, even tho it might have some admin problems, i dont care.
This is where i need loads of advice n comments, so do give them to me. Thanks loads peeps.
Signing out,
C Casillas
Current Mood: pessimistic
Current Music: Daniel Bedingfield- If you're not the one
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12:14 PM
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Xmas shopping list..
yoz peeps
i'm back in action..... again... i guess lotsa ppl is planning my death now cos they want to read all the bloggs in peace. but still, pardon me eh..
Now i'm stuck! On fridae i got 2 activities.. one is to go to sentosa. another is to go for supper. i juz might go for both... And cheryl is not going to sentosa (i'll try to convince her otherwise). For some reason (only my close pals will know y... if u wanna know, u can come and ask me), i predict supper is soooooooo gna be boring (sorry jas, phy).
Oh man, so many xmas shoppings to do! and guess wad... i'm w/o the oh so impt $$$$. yup, w/o it how am i gna get everyone's pressies.. here are the list of ppl i gotta get a pressie here... see ur name here (cheer), good for u.. well if you don't (u can try and convince me to get u want... BUT NO PROMISES). alrite, here goes: Cheryl (duh!), jas, phy, mae, shiyun, js, parents, DAD, rita, mylene, gary, linli... yupp yupp... and hey peeps, if u think that this is like so lil ppl, i tell u... the price for them ain't! HAHAHA...
anyway, logging off like now( but if u see 1 more entry... dun blame me :D)
you'll nv walk alone...
Elaine + snowy
Current Mood: crazy
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8:23 AM
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Cheryl, this is for u
yoz yoz
yes i know this is like kinda fast eh, posting another blog within a few hrs.. or is it only an hr. i dun know. but well, i felt tt cheryl's latest blog needs immediate response. so here i am typing away like a loon once again. not that i'm afraid that she'll do anything stupid... juz wanna be thr for my best fren.. so cheryl, this is for u..
for me, e 2 phrases both make sense. [absence makes the heart grows fonder] and [outta sight, outta mind]. Well i sure hope tt the guy will show u some sign. if i were in ur shoes, i'll feel the same mixed up emotions as u are feeling rite now. kinda makes u feel like plucking out rose petals going: he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me.... maybe you should follow me. give urself a deadline. try not to get ur hopes up too high (which is difficult to do, i know) den if there ain't a sign after that, move on. it's like a start of a journey to find yourself. *you see this really gorgeous star cruise ship, like virgo or something. Wow~ u love wad u see, wad u hear and bought urself tix to enjoy urself. Unfortunately, there was some cocked up administration and the gorgeous ship is not stopping at the port where u r waiting. it is either somewhr out at sea, unwilling to return or at some other port. you get all disappointed. however, at that point of time, another star cruise ship is there smaller than Virgo, but with activities/functions juz as good as Virgo. You bought the tix and sailed off and had the time of ur life.
i guess tt the moral of this story ain't that hard to catch. Be happy at least that Virgo crossed ur path and that it was a great experience. Dun worry okay.. i'm sure you'll find that ship...
you'll nv walk alone...
Elaine + snowy
Current Mood: sympathetic
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7:11 AM
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KARMA
yoz ppl
gd morn/afternoon.. i know i know, tt not many peeps knows bout this site.. but still, i am so gna be egoistic and pretends tt everyone with a com which goes online knows bout this site. thick skin yeah? juz read cheryl's blog.. haha.. yes we did get out karma. and well, can u imagine an almost choked toilet bowl? i'm surprised they didn't charge us more.. haha.
this is a note to phy and jas *[ oi, when u wanna collect ur goodies???!!!! wanna give u all den u all dun tell me how.. u all beta call me ah..]*
anyway, *ahem, kinda bored.. so i try to entertain (lalalalala~~) myself by writing really weird entries. haha.. btw, i'll appreciate it if u all gimme ur comments.. so i can laugh like a loon when i read it. haha.. yes yes, bet i know tt u all are thinking tt i'm a loon (can't sae i blame u guys).
sighz~ how i wish tt all my frens have their off daes together man. den we can go jalan jalan or infact juz go blading/cycling 2gether. kinda miss it man. *hint* hai~ so peeps, wheneva u are free, juz gimme a buzz... i'll try to make time and go out with u guys...
ok, 1 event coming up on fri.. shall not tell u guys yet.. til it's successful (phy, jas dun anyhow think k..) i'll give u a clue wad's it about. clue: punk'd... u guys go figure it out *ain't a riddle...
i'll let u know wad happened after tt.. (sniggers evily...)
you'll nv walk alone
elaine + snowy
Current Mood: high
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5:53 AM
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Wednesday, December 10, 2003
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Cher's take on KL roadtrip
heyz..
this is horrible man i swear.. Kl was really really fun, ya know, get to eat cheap food, go shopping & all... but i guess what was fun was being away from may parents for a couple of days. i mean, not that i dont like them, but, well i guess its always good to have a break in betwee, dontcha think so? hah my parents' pocket aint cryaing, as opposed to what elaine said.. hah.. e best of all, i get to spend time wif my goot goot friend, listen to all her whims and woes, as well as make fun of the sweet smelling peeps with BO in e cramped bus. wahh i tell you, the aroma, if you would experience it, is therapeutic... *cross my fingers & sniggers*
we got a room all to ourselves, did the evil thang and let elaine's parents have the room with the smaller tv cos we wanted to watch soccer.. Newcastle v Liverpool... IMPORTANT match. haha so you think im a newcastle fan but i aint... am a liverpool fan.. woohoo!! you'll never walk alone!! :D shall stop digressing, as ya know, we took the so-called better room (in our opinion--> the tv aspect), but- do you believe in karma?- our room's toilet flushing system BROKE!!! i mean, hello!!! Fortunately, we did our evil business beofre the whole thing broke, so well.. i guess god was kind to us afterall.. hahah
Loads of hilarious things happened, its like so difficult to put it all in words man.. hahahaha maybe all out there should try going on a road trip with their friends.. okay.. gotta go cut my mom's bday cake.. take care all..
logging off,
cher casillas
Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: Hilary Duff- Party Up
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5:31 PM
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yoz,
ok ok this my 1st entry... decided to start a blog with cheryl becos
1. most of my frens are working or going to start
2. i'm bored and thr's nth much to do online other den to check out frenster.
3. can keep in touch with my frens
4. FUN!
hahaha.. ok ok... i dun be lame. KL is fun! thr is a sale and u all should juz go thr. you'll shop til your parents' pocket will cry. Bought lotsa things.. Kl has been both traumatising and fun. traumatising cos u are forced to use e super duber laggy transport system (according to a lady waiting for e bus, she had waited approx 30mins). My gawd... and to think that i'll kpkb, plan the driver's death (stabbing, hanging etc) if i see neither his hide nor hair within 10mins. it teaches me to appreciate SG's transport system (but tt won't stop me from cursing the late bus drivers). besides forcing to wait a decade for the bus, u are subjected to cramp (and smelly) conditions. i felt like a sardine. ask me y smelly, i tell u.. cos u are forced to smell ppl's sweet smelling BO.
If you think smelling e BO is bad enuf, ask cheryl wad's worst. the guy with the BO almost sat on her lap and she had to squeeze me so much that my face was almost pressed against the windows. thank god my face was not pressed against windows, dun wanna be e cause of traffic accidents (poor unsuspecting drivers sees my pressed 'jiao bin' and recoils in horror, thus crashing).
Fun becos i got to shop and spent $$. haha.. ain't everydae i got $$ to spent..... and suddenly i get to spurged... wow~ i'm in heaven.. haha.. yupp.. had fun...
you'll nv walk alone..
elaine + snowy
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5:13 PM
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12:45pm: morning peeps
Hah i just woke up after almost 12 hours of sleep man.. now i feels sooo awake, and last night before i slept i was kinda thinking of a particular someone, and at the same time, reflecting on what happened to one of my friends. sigh~ what he said was, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder', but to me this wise-crack phrase is only true to a small extent. Cause i think that 'out of sight, out of mind' definitely works better than the whole absence thing. i'm having this phase of my life now, where i think that i'm kind of on the verse of forgetting that particular someone. I havent seen him for so long (excluding his prictures, which were sent to me by a friend to keep on his behalf), i just talked to him 2 nights ago, after nearly a one-month break where we didnt talk to each other on the phone. Online, yes i find it hard to grasp the emotions when people talk online. general feelings of happiness and sadness its no problem to me, but well, i just find it confusing. You get my drift.
I'm beginning to think that this 'out of sight' thing works. He knows that i like him, but he doesnt want to acknowledge it. Its a traumatizing experience, cause he told me that he's interested in me and now he's acting like he forgot all he has said in the past. Call me demanding or what, but i guess if you were in my shoes you'll probably want to do the same thing. Now when i look back about a month or two ago, i find that my attitude towards has changed. In the past, i'd use to wake up at odd hours in the dead of the night to check if there were any smses from him. I'd start praying that the messages i receive were from him, then start to curse and swear (didnt really do that. this is only for impact) when they weren't. I'd find almost every opportunity to call him/ get him to talk to me on the phone, as well as on sms. But now, i don't see the need to wake up in the dead of the night. Dont see the need to sleep with my mobile under my pillow, dont see the need to pray that my receive messages were from him, dont see the need to find every opportunity to talk to him or sms him anymore. I guess these are some signs that i'm really about to turn myself around and head back. That is, if he doesn't respond. He really know how to make my heart spin around, make my mood go up and down worse than a roller coaster ( to say yo-yo is just too dramatic).
I doubt i'll get some positive response from him. If i do, then i'll be happy but if i don't then i'll just take it as an experience, a lesson learnt and wasted time, although the old saying goes 'the only time we waste is the time thinking we are alone'. sigh~ maybe i'll just try to bid my time with him. Let you know if it works out in the end. Pray for me yeah...
Signing out,
C Casillas
Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: Daniel Bedingfield- Honest Questions
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4:45 PM
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